Unicorns, Candy, and toy Jeeps
by Karasu's Angel
Summary: An update has finally entered the building... for those many cough fans who have been waiting! As twisted and funny as ever! Please R&R!
1. The Insanity Begins

K.A. Okay, I know I'm getting flamed big time for this one. I know its retarded, but I had to write about it to get all my retarded ideas out of my head! Warning: total craziness up ahead! This is weird...please don't hate me for it! *gives pleading look* Rating is for language I shoved in.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own YYH, M&Ms, pixie sticks, runts or anything else I use. I only own this retarded idea!  
  
"Remember, guys you each get fifty dollars for this trip, so use it wisely," Botan announced as the gang got to the mall. The "gang" included Yusuke, Keiko, Yukina, Kuwabara, Hiei, Kurama, Jin, and Touya.  
  
"Botan, you told us like fifty times! I think we got the point!" Yusuke groaned.  
  
"It's because she knows how you are, silly," Keiko playfully pushed him.  
  
"Remember no powers! It's very important that none of your superhuman powers are used in public, or Koenma will have a cow!"  
  
"Yeah yeah blah blah," Yusuke waved her off.  
  
"I'm fine as long as no stupid human gets in my way," Hiei said coldly.  
  
"Hm..likewise," Kurama agreed.  
  
"Oh and Jin try to..you know, not draw too much attention to yourself." Botan cleared her throat and pointed at her ears and forehead.  
  
"Ah, it's me ears, isn't it?" Jin pointed at his huge elf like ears.  
  
"No shit," Yusuke laughed.  
  
They walked into the middle of the mall where there was a cluster of benches.  
  
"Okay guys let's meet here in one hour," Botan suggested. "Go have fun and spend your money!"  
  
They dissapated into random stores of the mall...  
  
ONE HOUR LATER  
  
Yusuke and Keiko were the first to arrive back at the spot. Yusuke was looking up, hands in pocket, whistling. Keiko was holding about five bags of clothes.  
  
"Well what do we have here?" Botan asked. "Yusuke, didn't you get anything?"  
  
"Naw...Keiko saw some sweaters she liked, so I gave her my money so she could have them."  
  
"AWWW!" Botan squealed. "That is just so adorable, Yusuke! I knew you had it in you!"  
  
"I know. He is so sweet." Keiko replied.  
  
"Okay okay don't go thinking I'm like this all the time, now." Yusuke rolled his eyes.  
  
Hiei was the next to arrive, also empty-handed.  
  
"These stupid human indulgences do not humor me." Hiei sat on the floor beside the bench Yusuke and Keiko were sitting on.  
  
Jin was next. He walked up wearing a black t-shirt that said "I love Doogies" on it and a plaid beanie. "Hey guys! What is up?"  
  
"Jin, what in the fuck are you wearing?" Yusuke asked.  
  
"What? I like it." Jin straightened out his t-shirt.  
  
"Look, mommy!" A little girl screamed. "It's a unicorn!" She pointed at Jin.  
  
"Honey, it's not nice to point," the mom slapped the hand down. She turned to Jin to apologize.  
  
"I'm-HOLY SHIT YOU HAVE A HORN ON YOUR HEAD!" The mom grabbed the girl and scurried off.  
  
"Oooh, a pony? Where?"  
  
"No, it's a unicorn!"  
  
"Oooh! A unicorn! I like unicorns!"  
  
"I wanna ride the unicorn!" Jin was surrounded by a bunch a little kids.  
  
"Ahh! Urameshi! Help get these little boogers away from me!"  
  
The group of little kids was broken up by a toy jeep that came tearing through the crowd.  
  
"BEEP BEEP!" Touya screamed wildly, steering the jeep into the side of a bench. "Omph!"  
  
"Touya, is that a toy jeep?" Botan asked in wonderment.  
  
"Yeah! It's the coolest thing, and it used thirty-seven point forty two of my money!"  
  
"Touya, you're retarded," Hiei snapped.  
  
"Na-aw! You're just jealous I found it first!" Touya backed out and started circling the group continuously.  
  
"Yukina I-WHOA!" Kuwabara yelled, almost run down by Touya in his jeep.  
  
"Yukina? What did you get?" Botan asked.  
  
"Well I saw a lotion store and some of them smelled wonderful...so I got some."  
  
"That's excellent! Kuwabara?"  
  
"Well..I got you a gift, Yukina." Kuwabara pulled out a package.  
  
"For me? Thank you, Kuwabara," Yukina took the gift and opened it slowly. It was a flower.  
  
"Oh a flower. How nice."  
  
"No no!" Kuwabara grabbed it and pushed a button. The flower started wiggling and singing. "It's a singing flower! Just for you, love bunch!"  
  
Yukina giggled, and Kurama tiptoed exaggeratedly holding some bags close to his chest.  
  
"Um..Kurama?" Botan asked.  
  
"Stay away! It's mine!" Kurama looked around and hugged the bags closer to his chest.  
  
"What's in the bags, mate?" Jin asked.  
  
"Nothing! It's all mine!"  
  
"Okay fox boy we got the point it's yours," Yusuke snapped. "What is it?"  
  
"Well.." Kurama set them down and dumped one out. It was full of candy.  
  
"Candy?!" Yusuke looked at Kurama.  
  
"YES! This is the best stuff I have ever tasted!" Kurama grabbed a Pixie Stick, ripped it open, and let all the sugar in his mouth. "Ooohh yeah.." Kurama shivered in delight.  
  
"Um..have fun with your candy." Kuwabara said nervously.  
  
"Alrighty then!" Kurama grabbed a huge chocolate bar and ate it in record time.  
  
"OOhh! Weee!" Kurama stood up and started jumping up and down quickly.  
  
"Uh oh the hyperness begins," Keiko laughed.  
  
"What is your human junk food doing to him?" Hiei asked.  
  
"Yiipppee!" Kurama had a box of Runts in one hand and some M&M's in the other. He finished them off and started giggling for no reason and clapping his hands.  
  
"Who hoo!" Kurama pulled out his rose whip and starting waving it above his head like a lasso.  
  
"Kurama! NO!" Hiei screamed and tackled Kurama to the ground.  
  
"Ahh! help meee!" Kurama screamed wildly.  
  
"Excuse me, little boy," A security guard tapped Hiei on the shoulder.  
  
"...Little boy?!"  
  
Hiei allowed the guard to pull him off Kurama. "Don't you be causing no ruckus, little man."  
  
"Ha ha he called you little man," Kuwabara laughed.  
  
"Hey Kurama wanna take a ride in my new wheels?" Touya tapped the seat of his toy jeep.  
  
"SURE!" Kurama screamed. "START ER UP, TOUYA!"  
  
Kurama climbed into the passengers seat and him and Touya started riding around in circles.  
  
"LET ME STEER, TOUYA!" Kurama grabbed the wheel of the toy jeep and crashed into one of those trees the mall had planted indoors.  
  
"Damn it, Kurama!" Hiei went to help the crashed jeep when the same security guard who chastised Hiei before ran up.  
  
"Hey! It's that little kid! He's causing trouble again! Now he destroyed mall property! Get him!" The guard and his friends ran at Hiei.  
  
"Shit.." Hiei picked up the jeep, set it right side up, and hopped in.  
  
"You're not taking me alive!" Hiei laughed and took off in the jeep.  
  
"Hey!" Touya yelled. "My jeep!"  
  
"Where are my pixie sticks?" Kurama asked.  
  
Retarded, I know, please review and not be to harsh on me (crosses finger for no flames) if you happen to like it then tell me and I'll continue. But I know it's too stupid! Karasu" You got that straight. *holds up hands in surrender* I had nothing to do with this! Don't blame me! 


	2. The Great Jeep Chase

K.A.: Wow...that's pretty neat that some people liked this! Since you asked for more, here it is. Hehe. Just as stupid and lame as the first chappie! Muahahaha! Please don't flame me for this, but I do like nice reviews, even constructive criticism. Thanks to the people who pleasantly surprised me with the nice reviews and to Saria, who suggested an idea that I thought was funny!  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own YYH or anything else I use..just this retarded lame idea, except the clothing store part, that goes to Saria!  
  
"Muhahaha!" Hiei laughed maniacally as he ripped through the doors of the mall on the toy jeep.  
  
"Noo!" Touya screamed. "Get back here! My jeep!" He dropped to his knees in despair. "Why? Why must all these things happen to me?!"  
  
The mall security walked up with a crew behind him. "Excuse me," he pointed at Yusuke and Keiko. "You're the boy's parents, correct?"  
  
"There's a little boy? Where? I don't see a little boy," Kurama looked around in a daze.  
  
"Hey look boss it's a unicorn!" One of the members of the crew pointed at Jin.  
  
"Oooh you're right! I thought those things weren't real!"  
  
"Wow a real live unicorn!"  
  
"DAMN IT I'M NOT A BLOODY UNICORN!" Jin screamed.  
  
"Oooh it talks!" The crew looked at Jin in amazement.  
  
"Let's focus. We need mommy and daddy to control the boy that just took off in the toy jeep," the officer said.  
  
"Hiei?" Yusuke burst out laughing.  
  
"What?"  
  
"We're not his parents, dumbass."  
  
"Oh. We need to and find him." The officer and his crew ran out of the mall, followed by Yusuke and the gang. On their way out, they saw something... interesting as they ran through the women's section of a clothes store.  
  
"What do you think of this?" Karasu asked, twirling around in a pale pink blouse and yellow capris. "Isn't it fabulous?"  
  
Bui grunted his approval.  
  
"No no Karasu that's all wrong for you," Younger Toguro pulled out a bright purple one. "I like the is one it matches your eyes better."  
  
"Oooh you're right," Karasu grabbed it and held it to his chest.  
  
"How about this?" Younger Toguro held up a green spaghetti strap t-shirt. "Sexy!"  
  
"Mm that's the cutest shirt, I think you should get it."  
  
"I knew there was something freaky about you guys! What are you doing in the human world anyway?" Kuwabara asked.  
  
"Ek!" Karasu shrieked, trying to shield himself with his hands. "They found us!"  
  
"So this is your hobby? Raiding the women's sections of clothing stores?" Yusuke rolled on the ground laughing.  
  
"Shut up! What we do in our private time is none of your business!" Toguro snapped.  
  
"Besides, I see you hanging out with a unicorn! What's up with that?" Karasu asked accusingly.  
  
"What is it with you people?" Jin whined.  
  
"Aww maybe we'll see you guys later. We know where to look now. The local clothes store." Yusuke and the others left before Toguro and his buddies could respond.  
  
"We are in the middle of a Breaking News Story. A little boy is tearing through the town on a toy jeep. It is reported that three have minor injuries." A news reporter said into the camera.  
  
A crowd formed around the news crew.  
  
"Hey look it's the unicorn!" A kid screamed from the distance at Jin.  
  
"Ah boy. Not this again." Jin looked around nervously.  
  
"A PONY?!" Kurama screamed from behind Jin. "WHERE?"  
  
"Right in front of you!" Someone else screamed. "A UNICORN."  
  
Kurama jumped on Jin's back. "I WANNA RIDE! GIDDY-UP!" He screamed.  
  
"Get the bloody hell off of me!" Jin shoved Kurama off on the ground, which must've knocked him back to his senses.  
  
"Where am I?" Kurama asked, rubbing his head. "Aww I have a headache."  
  
The security guard was talking on his walkie-talkie. "Johnson, we need back up. We have a crazy kid tearing through the town on a toy jeep..yes, a toy jeep.. causing havoc in the town. He is potentially armed and dangerous and is resisting discipline."  
  
Johnson talked back. "Roger. We'll send out our special toy jeep unit immediately."  
  
"Roger."  
  
"Noo!" Touya cried. "My jeep is being used for evil!"  
  
A chopper was flying over head.  
  
"Hey look they have a tv," Yukina pointed to a tv behind the newswoman that was showing Hiei on the jeep, riding into crowds of people shouting, "Move it you stupid humans!"  
  
"Poor Touya," Botan fished in her pockets. "Here Touya. Normally I wouldn't do this, but I see how upset you are. Go buy a new jeep."  
  
"YEA!" Touya grabbed the money and ran back into the mall.  
  
A little while later, Touya rode back out in a different toy jeep.  
  
"This jeep is even better than the last! It gets better mileage! Oh Kurama I got you more candy," Touya threw the bag at Kurama who sniffed it.  
  
"....Candy!" Kurama tore open the bag and gobbled it all down and shivered. "That hit the spot."  
  
"I'm going after that bastard. Anyone want to come?"  
  
"ME! ME!" Kurama screamed, jumping up and down.  
  
"No fucking way!" Touya snapped. "You're the reason why that a-hole took my toy jeep!"  
  
Kurama's eyes watered and he sniffed like he was going to cry.  
  
Touya sighed. "Fine hop in."  
  
"WHOO-HOO!" Kurama jumped in the toy jeep excitedly.  
  
"Touch the steering wheel, you're dead," Touya warned.  
  
Touya and Kurama took off.  
  
Touya and Kurama rode through the town, careful not to hit any innocent bystanders, until they spotted a streak of black hair riding by laughing.  
  
"HIM!" Touya screamed, now following him. "HEY, YOU FUCKER!" He screamed at Hiei.  
  
Hiei turned back. "Oh, shit."  
  
"I'M HERE FOR MY REVENGE, JEEP THEIF!" Touya shouted at him.  
  
"Touya, it's a TOY jeep."  
  
"YEAH? WELL THAT TOY JEEP WAS MY PRIDE AND JOY!" Touya yelled angrily. "UNTIL YOU TOOK IT!"  
  
"Touya, you had the fucking thing for about fifteen minutes, idiot!"  
  
SO?" Touya speed up and bumped him from behind. "Get out! You're in deep trouble!"  
  
"Damn it, Touya, you got a new toy jeep so get over it."  
  
"NEVER!" Touya screamed.  
  
"This is fun!" Kurama clapped his hands happily.  
  
"DIE, JEEP THEIF, DIE!" Touya bumped into Hiei a few more times.  
  
Hiei swerved off to the side and did a wheelie.  
  
"Show off," Touya muttered.  
  
"You have to try better than that." Hiei laughed. "Haha! I am the toy jeep master of the world!"  
  
"No! That is my toy jeep and you stole it!"  
  
Hiei grinned. Then he looked to the side and saw a fence with a ramp in front, probably where bikers practiced.  
  
"Perfect." Hiei took off. "See you later, suckers!"  
  
"Oooh, lollipops?" Kurama asked.  
  
"Kurama, there are no lollipops."  
  
"But Hiei said-"  
  
Touya took off after Hiei.  
  
(In slow motion) Hiei rode the toy jeep up the ramp and over the fence.  
  
(In slow motion) Touya and Kurama rode their toy jeep over the ramp and crashed into the fence.  
  
Hiei turned around, pointed and laughed at them. "Haha losers."  
  
Touya climbed over the fence taking his jeep with him. Kurama sat in the spot where he crashed in daze.  
  
"Oh shit!" Hiei realized he had trapped himself in a corner, behind the backs of a bunch of buildings.  
  
"Ha ha!" Touya smiled triumphantly. "That's what you get for trying to show off. Now hand it over."  
  
"No!" Hiei hugged the toy jeep protectively.  
  
"There he is!" A bunch of toy jeeps that looked like police cars surrounded the fence.  
  
"We have you surrounded, little boy. You are under arrest. Red-head, move your ass so we can be more menacing."  
  
Jin jumped off the back of one of the jeeps and dragged Kurama aside.  
  
"Jin!" Touya waved.  
  
Jin smiled. "Hey Touya. Had to get away from all those little buggers calling me a unicorn, dont ya know."  
  
Touya looked at Hiei. "Remember ...no powers or anything.."  
  
Hiei sighed. "Fine, take the damn toy jeep. It was a piece of crap anyway." He held his hands up in surrender.  
  
The cops and security guards climbed over the fence cautiously and cuffed Hiei, reading his rights and stuff.  
  
"Thank you for helping," The security guard told Touya.  
  
"No problem," Touya purred, stroking his toy jeep affectionately.  
  
"Now... are you the unicorn I've been hearing about?" A cop asked Jin.  
  
Hiei glared at Touya. "Touya, I'll be back for that jeep. It will be MINE!" He laughed maniacally.  
  
Well...I know it's stupid but what do you think? Next, if you want it, will be the adventures of Hiei in jail and jailbreak, maybe more Toguro fashion! Please R&R! Try not to be too harsh to me! Thanks! 


	3. Doing Time

Karasu: I can't believe how you've portrayed me!  
  
K.A: Calm down. Anyway this one is about Hiei in jail. I just thought this would be a funny little thing. Thanks for reviewing and Saria I sort of used your idea... and I love getting ideas!  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own YYH OR any other anime characters and places I used from Pokemon, Beyblade and Yu-Gi-Oh or the yellow thing!.  
  
Hiei was on a bus, on his way to the Pewter City Penitentiary. He was wearing a dirty brown outfit some officers gave him before the ride.  
  
"Just wait until I get that stupid fucker and his stupid ass jeep!" Hiei hissed to himself.  
  
After annoying searches and stuff, the prisoners were led to their cells.  
  
"Here, boy," a guard opened the door to a seemingly empty cell and shoved Hiei in.  
  
"Phew. I'm glad I'm alone."  
  
"Time for grub!" The prisoners were led out of their cells.  
  
In the lunchline, Hiei was standing behind two guys who seemed to be friends. One had tan skin and blonde hair and the other was pale with white hair.  
  
The pale one turned around. "Hey. I'm Bakura and my friend here is Marik," the other guy turned and waved.  
  
"I'm Hiei," Hiei answered.  
  
"What are you in for?" Bakura asked.  
  
"A high speed chase." Hiei decided it was better if he left out the part about it being in a toy jeep so he'd look cool.  
  
"Oh we're in for attempting world domination through the use of playing cards," Marik said.  
  
"That's so retarded."  
  
"Not with this baby! This card is my key to victory!" Marik whipped out a card.  
  
Hiei grabbed the card quickly and ripped it in half. "Well, there goes your plans."  
  
"Hey! You ripped my card!"  
  
They got up to the serving area and started hearing the most annoying sound ever.  
  
"pika....pika pi....pika ...pika pi...pika...pika .pi.."  
  
"What the hell is that?" Bakura asked.  
  
"That yellow ball thing," Hiei pointed up at a fat little rat-looking thing.  
  
Bakura gave an evil grin. "Wanna play kickball, guys?"  
  
Hiei nodded. He wished these guys were his cell-mates.  
  
Bakura leaned forward and grabbed the yellow thing while Hiei sped to the other side of the room.  
  
"Okay!" Bakura drop-kicked the yellow thing to Hiei. Hiei kicked it to Marik who kicked it back to Bakura.  
  
"Hello may I join you young men?" An old looking guy with purple hair and a huge schnoze asked. "My name is Boris."  
  
"I guess.. so what are you in for?" Hiei asked him.  
  
"Having my way with four boys I was training," he answered.  
  
"..Oh..." Hiei said oddly.  
  
"Here's a picture," Boris handed Hiei a picture. Hiei looked at it.  
  
"Ew! Geez, if your gonna have your way with someone, it should at least be with someone good-looking!"  
  
"I tried but Kai wouldn't let me," Boris answered.  
  
All the officers threw the prisoners back into their cells even if they didn't eat for assualting the yellow thing.  
  
The next day during yardwork, everyone was clamoring to see the new arrivals.  
  
"What the hell is going on?" Hiei asked Marik.  
  
"Newbies."  
  
A bus came and unloaded, and the Toguro team walked off.  
  
"Eww these clothes are icky!" Elder Toguro said in a snotty high voice.  
  
"I know, does it make my butt look bug?" Karasu turned around and stuck it out.  
  
"Lord only knows you need it," Younger Toguro replied.  
  
Karasu snapped his fingers. "Oh no you just didn't!"  
  
"Yes I just did! You got a problem with that?"  
  
"I hate you!" Karasu jumped in front of Younger Toguro and started flapping his arms wildly.  
  
"Ek!" Younger Toguro started flapping his arms back, starting a sissy fight.  
  
Brock the Warden came to stop them. "Hey! No fighting!"  
  
Karasu ran to Bui who gave him a hug.  
  
"HEY! None of that funny stuff here! Break it up!"  
  
"These shoes are nasty! They don't even match!" Elder Toguro whined.  
  
"What are you losers in for anyway?" Brock asked.  
  
"Stealing the cutest little outfit you've ever seen from a women's clothing store." Karasu answered dreamily.  
  
"...Right..." Brock shook his head.  
  
"Okay, newbies, get to work! There's no playtime here!" Brock handed the Toguro team pickaxes. "Get to work breaking the rocks."  
  
Younger Toguro slowly picked up the pickaxe and slammed it on the ground.  
  
"Oh my gosh!" He screamed. I broke a nail! I broke a nail!"  
  
"Ha that's what you get for talking about my ass!" Karasu put his nose in the air haughtily. "It's called karma, honey!"  
  
Elder Toguro coughed. "I'm getting sweaty! I'm done! I broke a sweat!"  
  
Shut up, maggots!" Brock snarled.  
  
"Eww maggots are icky!"  
  
Later that night, Hiei heard a tap at the side of his cell.  
  
"What?" Hiei saw it was Younger Toguro in the cell next to him.  
  
"We're breaking out. Want in?"  
  
"Why are you asking me?" Hiei snapped.  
  
"We have the cutest little blue dress that would just look fabulous on you!" Younger Toguro replied excitedly. "If we help you out, you have to help with our fashion show."  
  
"HELL NO!" Hiei angrily shouted.  
  
Younger Toguro shrugged. "Fine. Your loss."  
  
"Okay okay I'll do it," Hiei hurriedly replied.  
  
MEANWHILE OUTSIDE THE JAIL, THE GANG FOUND WHERE HIEI WAS BEING HELD.....  
  
"Okay guys operation rescue Hiei in motion!" Yusuke announced.  
  
"I don't know why I'm helping that dirty jeep thief," Touya snapped.  
  
"Oh, bloody hell, get over it. It was just a toy jeep," Jin answered.  
  
"It was MY toy jeep, DAMMIT!"  
  
Jin punched in the wall of the jail.  
  
The officers went to see to noise.  
  
"Hey, it's a unicorn! Hey, Sam, shine the light on the unicorn! I wanna see!" An officer shouted.  
  
A flashlight was shone in Jin's eyes.  
  
"AWW! You bloody bastards, oye, the light!"  
  
"Oooh what neat looking unicorn!"  
  
"Shut up I'm not a damn unicorn!" Jin screamed, shoving past the officers.  
  
"Oooh hey, I touched the unicorn! Cool!"  
  
As they ran in the jail, Kurama ran to the bars and started chewing on them.  
  
"Why the hell is he chewing on the bars?" Yusuke asked.  
  
"Oh, I told him they were made of chocolate," Kuwabara answered.  
  
"Never get that boy chocolate again," Yusuke rolled his eyes.  
  
"Where is Hiei?" Jin asked.  
  
"HEYYY!" Touya screamed and pointed outside the jail where Jin punched in the wall. "MY BABY!"  
  
The gang ran back out to see Hiei, Karasu and Bui shoved tight in one toy jeep and the Toguro brothers in another.  
  
"HAHA Thanks for the new toy jeeps, suckers!" Hiei screamed psychotically as they drove into the sunset.  
  
NNOOOO!" Touya screamed. "That bastard stole my jeeps! Again!"  
  
K.A Okay next is the fashion show hehehe. Thanks and R&R!! 


	4. Attack of the String Bikini

K.A.: I'm so glad people like this 'story' aka The insanity! Okay, this is the most screwed up chappie yet. If you like how I portray the Toguro team, you'll like this chappie, I think. But I hope you like it nonetheless. Here we go! Muahahaha!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own YYH or anything else I use!  
  
"Hey, where are we going?" Hiei shouted at the Toguro brothers.  
  
"Our secret hideaway. I'll led the way," Younger Toguro drove in front of Hiei.  
  
They drove in a straight line until Toguro took a sharp turn. Hiei followed.  
  
"Is it just me, or did it just get alot lighter?" Karasu asked. He turned around. "Shit! Bui fell off!"  
  
Hiei turned around to see Bui running after them, waving.  
  
"I'm not stopping. Tough shit." Hiei grinded his teeth in concentration.  
  
"Hiei! You little meanie!" Karasu slapped him on the arm playfully. "You're just the cutest little asshole! Yes you are!"  
  
"Karasu, shut up," Hiei looked back again and saw Bui gave up and started walking.  
  
"I love the way this breeze runs through my hair." Karasu said. Hiei ignored him.  
  
They arrived at their destination - an old, run down former lotion that still smelled sweet.  
  
"This place smells funny," Hiei commented as they walked in and met with the Toguro's. And soon Bui.  
  
"Oooh I love lotion!" Elder Toguro whipped out a bottle of pink lotion.  
  
"Geez I should've fuckin known," Hiei muttered.  
  
"What? You want some Raspberry Razzmatazz?"  
  
"Hell no."  
  
A guy with long black hair pranced toward them on his tippy toes.  
  
"Aww man it's another one," Hiei rolled his eyes.  
  
"Hey guys," Sakyou flicked out his wrist. "Oooh here's the little cutie. I get to see him up close and personal! What a little piece of meat!"  
  
"You sure as hell better not be talking about me, you fairy," Hiei snapped.  
  
"Oooh, I love fairies!" Sakyou replied dreamily.  
  
"How are you, babe?" Younger Toguro asked as he kissed Sakyou lightly on both of his cheeks, and Sakyou kissed him back.  
  
"Your stuff is done! It's time for your show!" Sakyou clapped his hands.  
  
"Goody," Hiei sneered.  
  
"It's time to put your dress on!" Elder Toguro snuck up behind Hiei and pulled down his pants.  
  
"My, what a big boy you are," Karasu grinned.  
  
"Hey! If you're gonna act like that, don't do it to me!" Hiei screamed.  
  
"Act like what?" Sakyou asked.  
  
Younger Toguro forced the dress on Hiei, who screamed wildly during the process.  
  
"Aw you look so cute!" Karasu giggled.  
  
"I know. I just wanna cuddle wth him and take him home!" Elder Toguro said dreamily.  
  
"You better get those thoughts out of your head, you freak."  
  
"Waahh!" Elder Toguro ran into a corner and started crying hysterically.  
  
"Hiei you better stop before we spank you," Younger Toguro said like he was excited at the idea.  
  
"FINE! I'm sorry. Geez. Can we just get this over with?" Hiei snapped.  
  
"Okay, Hiei you go first," Sakyou said.  
  
Sakyou led Hiei to the walkway. He peered out in the crowd and saw it was full of demons.  
  
"How did you get demons here?" Hiei asked.  
  
"I'm rich. I can do what I want," Sakyou said. "Now go shake that thing!" Sakyou slapped Hiei on his ass and pushed him out.  
  
Hiei stiffly walked out in the dress admist catcalls and rude comments. Hiei itched to kill them all right then and there.  
  
"There, was that so bad?" Karasu asked when Hiei walked back. He was wearing a bright lime green very tight minidress. Elder Toguro was wearing a shiny silver evening gown.  
  
"I think I need a new manicure," Karasu held out his hands and studied them. "What do you guys think?"  
  
"I think you need alot more than a manicure, honey," Younger Toguro was wearing a string bikini.  
  
"AHH!" Hiei screamed, looking away.  
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Karasu asked.  
  
Younger Toguro looked at Karasu's butt pointedly. "You know what I mean. Ass implants."  
  
"Stop talking about my ass!" Karasu screeched, flapping his arms wildly at Toguro, starting another sissy fight.  
  
"Take that!" Younger Toguro flapped his arms back.  
  
MEANWHILE WITH YUSUKE AND THE GANG....  
  
"Aw, when I get that no-good, dirty rotten jeep thief!" Touya angrily bellowed.  
  
"Touya, how many bloody times do we have to tell you it's just a toy jeep?" Jin asked.  
  
"Here. He's here at this lotion factory." Yusuke looked at his little demon tracker watch.  
  
"Good. Now I'm gonna go kick his jeep stealing ass," Touya sneered.  
  
They broke through the wall to reveal the Toguros, Karasu, and Hiei (Bui was off doing something else) all in their outfits.  
  
"OH...MY...GOD!" Everyone said together in horror.  
  
"Oooh look, pint-size is sexy!" Kuwabara laughed.  
  
"Oooh look, doofus is ugly," Hiei snarled.  
  
Yusuke Jin and Touya stood there frozen in shock, jaws to the ground. Kurama had too much of a headache to see anything, and was sitting down holding his head. Poor Kurama.  
  
"So, guys, what do you think?" Karasu asked, twirling around.  
  
"Me eyes are forever stained," Jin looked confused.  
  
"Oooh look, a talking unicorn!" Sakyou said. "Haven't seen one of those yet."  
  
"I'm not a fuckin unicorn!" Jin answered.  
  
"Yusuke whipped out an instant camera and started taking pictures.  
  
"Oooh!" The Toguros and Karasu started posing for the camera.  
  
"You take a picture of me, you die," Hiei snapped.  
  
"You better not flex, no-ass," Younger Toguro told Karasu.  
  
"I hate you!" Karasu jumped on younger Toguro and tackled him to the ground.  
  
"Why are you taking pictures...of that?" Touya asked.  
  
"Blackmail, my friend, blackmail. For the future." Yusuke answered.  
  
Hiei took the opportunity to rip the dress off, put his pants back on, and take off on a jeep.  
  
"NOO!" Touya screamed. "Not again!"  
  
"Oh boy here we go again," Jin sighed.  
  
"Let's go, guys!" Touya and Jin grabbed Kurama and hopped in a jeep and took off.  
  
Yusuke and Kuwabara were about to leave, but their path was blocked...  
  
"We have the perfect thing for you guys. He he." Karasu and the Toguros grabbed Yusuke and Kuwabara.  
  
"NOO!" Yusuke screamed.  
  
"Matching pink lacy dresses!" Karasu announced.  
  
Yusuke and Kuwabara looked at each other. "NOOO!"  
  
K.A.: I know this was the weirdest chappie so far, but I couldn't help it. Next will be shopping cart madness! Please R&R and stay tuned! 


	5. Mokuba the Sinister

K.A.: Another chapter of insanity! Thanks to the people who reviewed before, and I hope you enjoy! He he he he!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own YYH or Yu-Gi-Oh or M&Ms or gummi worms or anything else I use.  
  
Hiei was riding along until he felt a bump on the back of the jeep. He turned around.  
  
"DAMMIT!" Touya was leaning over the front of his jeep and hanging on for dear life on the back of the jeep Hiei was driving.  
  
"GET OUT OF MY JEEP, STUPID FUCKER!"  
  
"Damn it Touya! Get over it! You will never win!" Hiei swerved to the right sharply, causing Touya to lose his grip.  
  
"Ha ha sucker!" Hiei laughed, speeding up a little.  
  
"DAMN YOU, JEEP STEALER!" Touya screamed.  
  
"Calm the bloody hell down, Touya. It'll be alright," Jin said.  
  
"No, it won't be alright until I get that dirty rotten THIEF!" Touya glared at the road in front of him. Hiei was still in sight.  
  
"What's going on?" Kurama murmured softly, rubbing at his eyes.  
  
"Getting that no-good asshole who stole my jeep," Touya snapped.  
  
"You mean that toy jeep you bought?"  
  
"Yes. MY toy jeep."  
  
Kurama rolled his eyes. "Whatever makes you happy."  
  
"Hey! He turned there!" Touya pointed toward a grocery store parking lot.  
  
Hiei turned and saw Touya running like the wind at him.  
  
"DIE YOU DIRTY JEEP THIEF!" Touya had a mad look in his eyes.  
  
"Oh, shit!" Hiei darted into the store. He looked around. Then he spotted the produce section and hid under the counter.  
  
Touya ran in a few moments later.  
  
"YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE, ASHOLE!"  
  
Hiei popped up from behind the counter.  
  
"Hiya!" He threw a cucumber at Touya's head.  
  
"Ow, you fucker!" Touya yelled, grabbing at his head.  
  
Jin walked in.  
  
"Oh, a unicorn!" A cashier pointed at Jin. "A real live unicorn!"  
  
"Aww here we go again. I should've known me horn would get me in so much trouble."  
  
"Hey, it talks!"  
  
"LOOK YOU STUPID IDIOTS I'M NOT A FREAKIN UNICORN!!" Jin screamed loudly, frustrated.  
  
Everyone stared at him a moment, dumbfounded.  
  
On the other side of the store, there was a spooky little boy with long black hair in a tall purple top hat and a purple suit.  
  
"Johnson, get the cage," he snapped.  
  
"Yes, Mokuba, sir," Johnson bowed.  
  
"Heh heh... that unicorn will be mine!"  
  
Touya then saw something almost as magical as his precious toy jeep... the shopping cart!  
  
"Hey, Jin! Come push me!"  
  
Jin nodded, happy to get away from the rush of people wanting to catch a glimpse of the unicorn.  
  
Touya hopped in the cart and Jin started pushing him after Hiei.  
  
"WHEE!" Touya screamed. "I'm coming for you now, Hiei! Prepare to suffer!"  
  
Hiei narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Kurama!" He yelled.  
  
Kurama was on his knees in front of the candy section, drooling.  
  
"It's so... beautiful..." Kurama grabbed a gigantic chocolate bar and wolfed it down.  
  
"Um..." A store worker poked Kurama.  
  
"WHAT?!" Kurama yelled crazily, turning around.  
  
"Um... nothing.."  
  
"KURAMA!" Hiei screamed, running away from the renegade cart with Touya looking at him hungrily.  
  
"WHAT, HIEI?!" Kurama screamed back.  
  
"Bring me a cart! Hurry!"  
  
Kurama grabbed as much candy as he could carry, shoved it in a cart, and dashed toward Hiei. Hiei jumped in the cart, barely missing Touya grabbing him.  
  
"Damn it Kurama!" Touya whined.  
  
"Ha ha," Hiei pointed and laughed as Kurama pushed him.  
  
"Hit me," Kurama opened his mouth, and Hiei shoved some M&M's in it. Kurama ran faster after the hit.  
  
"Hey, this stuff works! Here, Kurama, have some more!" Hiei shoved some gummi worms in Kurama's mouth.  
  
"Oye, Touya they're gaining speed!" Jin shouted.  
  
"Mommy, is it my imagination or is a unicorn pushing that crazy man around?" A little girl asked her mom.  
  
The mom shook her head.  
  
"You're right," Touya said as they headed to the frozen food section.  
  
"YOU'RE IN MY ELEMENT NOW, BITCH!" Touya screamed.  
  
Hiei flipped him off.  
  
"I need a projectile," Touya jumped out of the cart and grabbed the first thing he could out of the freezer, a frozen turkey.  
  
"Ahh!" Jin yelled as he lost his balance and slid across the aisle into a cage that the sinister little boy Mokuba was holding.  
  
"HA HA!" Mokuba the sinister squealed happily. "I got me a unicorn now! Wait until I show Seto!"  
  
(In slow motion) Touya heaved the frozen turkey at Hiei's head, which hit it's mark and caused Hiei to fly out of the cart into the bread section.  
  
"Whew. At least I landed on something soft."  
  
"TOUYA! HELP ME!" Jin screamed as he was carried out of the store by Mokuba the sinister.  
  
"Shit!" Touya cried frantically. "As much as I want to get you, jeep thief, I have to go save my friend! I'll be back!" Touya ran out of the store after Mokuba the sinister.  
  
"LET ME GO!" Jin screamed, shaking the cage.  
  
"Damn, what a noisy unicorn!" Mokuba the sinister poked Jin in the head wit hhis finger.  
  
"OYE! DON'T TOUCH ME YOU BLOODY BASTARD!" Mokuba the sinister threw Jin in his limo and hopped in. The limo took off.  
  
"Well, unicorn, since you seem to understand English, I'll tell you my plans for you. I own my own zoo that my big brother bought me two years ago. Business has been bad lately. But if I have a super rare animal like you there, it's bound to do good!"  
  
"I'm not a unicorn. I'm a demon."  
  
"Shut up," Mokuba the sinister snapped.  
  
"Sir, there's a toy jeep on our trail," One of Mokuba the sinister's assistants reported. "There's a guy yelling, 'let go of my friend you retarded fuckers'."  
  
"A what?" Mokuba the sinister asked.  
  
"A toy jeep."  
  
Mokuba the sinister stuck his head out the window. "What the hell are you doing?" He asked Touya, the one following them.  
  
"You better gimmie my friend back or I'll kick your little goofy ass."  
  
"You have a potty mouth," Mokuba the sinister noticed.  
  
"Shut up you little fucker and let Jin go!"  
  
"Oh, the unicorn you mean?" Mokuba the sinister asked. "I'm sorry, but I need him. Nothing personal. It's business."  
  
"I'll make it my business to beat the living shit out of you, then," Touya glared at Mokuba the sinister. "You don't want my wrath, believe me. Just ask Hiei."  
  
"Look, money is power and I have a lot of it. So don't mess with me," Mokuba the sinister smirked. "But if you do, the unicorn will be at the Kaiba Zoo a few blocks over. See you then."  
  
"A zoo? Man, Jin has got to be pissed."  
  
MEANWHILE  
  
"If you stop struggling it will make this a whole lot easier," Younger Toguro grunted. Karasu and Bui were holding Yusuke down while Younger Toguro was shoving a bright pink lacy party dress on him.  
  
"Why?" Yusuke asked. "Why are you torturing me so?"  
  
"Silly," Karasu answered. "Someone has to model these dresses for us! And you and your friend look absolutely adorable in them!"  
  
"Yes. You're other friend has already accepted it, and is content, You should too," Younger Toguro was buttoning up the back of the dress.  
  
"Where is Kuwabara?" Yusuke asked.  
  
"With my brother..."  
  
"No! He didn't turn, did he?" Yusuke asked frantically. "I thought he was obsessed with Yukina..."  
  
"What do you mean, he 'turned'?" Karasu asked.  
  
"Oh, um, nothing."  
  
K.A: There you have it. Sorry, Mokuba fans, but I think "Mokuba the sinister" is soo funny! Please R&R! 


	6. Zoo antics and then some

K.A. Yes, after four loonnnggg months, jeeps and unicorns is back and more twisted and sick than ever! Probably doesn't make sense, so I might get my first ever real flame!  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own yu yu hakusho or any thing else that is not mine.  
  
"Damn I lost them!" Touya angrily whispered. "Well, the little shit said it was two blocks over..." he looked to the side. "And not hard to miss."  
  
Mokuba the Sinister and company had arrived at the Kaiba Zoo.  
  
"Johnson, grab the cage. My big brother is going to inspect the unicorn."  
  
"DEMON ASSHOLE DEMON!" Jin screamed.  
  
"Shut up!" Mokuba reached through the cage and poked Jin hard.  
  
"Oye, you bloody bastard."  
  
Johnson grabbed Jin and they went into the building in a room that smelled funny.  
  
"Mokuba?!" Asked a tall guy with brown hair and blue eyes.  
  
"Hey, Seto," Mokuba the Sinister greeted.  
  
"Wow, it IS a unicorn," Seto the Evil poked Jin through the cage.  
  
"The next fucker who pokes me is getting their hand bitten off," Jin growled.  
  
"Oh, this unicorn-"  
  
"DEMON," Jin interrupted hastily.  
  
"Might cause a bit of a problem. Get the tranquilizer." Seto the Evil said.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK?" Jin screamed.  
  
IN A DIFFERENT PART OF TOWN.....  
  
"Why, oh why, did I ever give them fifty dollars? Why?" Botan asked herself as her and Keiko were walking down a street full of stores.  
  
"It's okay Botan, you didn't know," Keiko tried to comfort her.  
  
"Let's look for them before any more trouble ensues," Botan then spotted a TV in an electronics store window.  
  
"The latest exciting news since the little boy tore out of the mall in a toy jeep," a newscaster reported. "The Kaibas, the richest residents and owners of the town zoo, have found a creature only believed to live in myth."  
  
Botan and Keiko threw each other a look.  
  
"Yea," Seto the Evil Kaiba appeared on the screen. "My little brother and I have captured an exquisite animal never before known to exist... a unicorn."  
  
"We have released close-up picture for the press," Kaiba continued then a picture of Jin with his face contorted with anger and flipping off the camera appeared.  
  
"But you viewers get a special treat today... a live look at the newest addition to the Kaiba Zoo!"  
  
The news crew was suddenly in the Kaiba Zoo in front of a cage that had Jin in it.  
  
"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!" Jin screamed.  
  
"Wow, so, it talks?" The newscaster asked Seto the Evil.  
  
"Yes," Seto the Evil answered. "The unicorn is obviously an advanced species."  
  
"WAIT UNTIL I GET OUT OF HERE, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" Jin screamed.  
  
Seto the Evil forced a smile. "Of course, they are not as beautiful as the legends make them out to be..."  
  
"HEY SCREW YOU, ASSHOLE! I'M DEAD SEXY!"  
  
Seto the Evil kept the forced smile on his face. "Of course, they obviously needs some... discipline. Quite rowdy."  
  
He pulled out a black leather whip and snapped it together in his hands.  
  
"HEY, DON'T YOU FUCKING COME NEAR ME WITH THAT THING," Jin yelled, eyeing the whip Seto the Evil had.  
  
"Shut up, you filthy beast," Seto lashed the whip at Jin's face, the camera quickly turning away.  
  
"Um... I think its time... for... us to go see you!" The newscaster and crew left in an instant.  
  
"And the new, um, addition to the zoo will be there tonight and the Kaiba family have made tonight, and tonight only, free to the public."  
  
Botan and Keiko stood there, jaws to the ground in shock.  
  
"Wow..."  
  
Touya was near the entrance of the zoo, which would open in fifteen minutes.  
  
"Damn, I need to get in."  
  
"Well, well, what do we have here?" Touya turned to see everyone's favorites, the Toguro team!  
  
Touya rolled his eyes. "I don't know where Hiei or the others are, if you're looking."  
  
Karasu flicked out his wrist delicately. "Oh, no, sugar pie-"  
  
"Don't call me sugar pie," Touya butted in.  
  
"Oh yeah, I want a taste of the sugar in your pie, baby," Younger Toguro looked lustfully at Touya.  
  
"This pie is off limits," Touya snapped.  
  
"Well, anyway," Elder Toguro piped up. "We heard there was a unicorn here."  
  
"We like unicorns," Karasu giggled.  
  
"They're so pretty," Sakyo said dreamily. "Almost as pretty as Hiei in that dress. Hubba hubba what a fine piece of ass!"  
  
"Um, it's Jin," Touya nervously said.  
  
"WHAT?!" Younger Toguro gasped. "You like men?"  
  
"Ooh, I want him first!" Karasu jumped up and down.  
  
"No way I call dibs on him!" Younger Toguro grinned.  
  
"Aw, no fair," Karasu crossed his arms and pouted.  
  
"It's okay, honey," Sakyo hugged him.  
  
"Hurry up and open," Touya whispered fiercely, not wanting to stand out here with THEM much too longer.  
  
"....Can you believe what she was wearing today?" Sakyo asked.  
  
"I KNOW!" Elder Toguro answered. "Pink and Orange?"  
  
"Eh, a major fashion no-no," Younger Toguro agreed.  
  
"But I did like the shoes," Karasu said.  
  
"Oh, yeah," Sakyo agreed.  
  
"Oh, brother," Touya shook his head. But he had to get one thing straight.  
  
"I didn't say I liked men," he announced.  
  
"It's okay," Karasu tried to soothe him. "Go ahead and let out that deep dark secret you've been hiding."  
  
"But I DON'T like men," Touya snapped. "I said its Jin."  
  
"What? You're... size is ten? Inches?"  
  
What are you talking about?" Elder Toguro giggled.  
  
"I think we all know what he's talking about, brother," Younger Toguro smirked. "Is... it natural?"  
  
"What?" Touya was lost.  
  
"Wow! You're a big boy!" Karasu clapped his hands together in excitement.  
  
"Ten inches is unbelievable," Sakyo stared at Touya. "I may want a go at him for myself."  
  
"HEY!" The light went off in Touya's head. "I did not say I was ten inches!"  
  
"So.... you an itty bitty?" Elder Toguro asked, laughing.  
  
"It's okay," Karasu gave a sad smile. "It's not how big it is, it's how you work with what you have."  
  
"WHAT? NO!" Touya glared at them. "Why are we even talking about this?"  
  
"There's no need to be embarrassed," Younger Toguro nodded. "Not everyone is blessed. There are a lot of itty bitty's out there."  
  
"I'm NOT small!" Touya blushed furiously. "I was talking about the unicorn!"  
  
"So... the unicorn's mini man is ten inches?" Sakyo asked with a confused look on his face.  
  
"Well, I don't do animals," Karasu announced.  
  
"Wow, that unicorn is packing."  
  
"You guys are sick freaks!" Touya threw his hands up. "How the fuck would I know Jin's size?"  
  
"Jin? Who's that?" Younger Toguro asked.  
  
"Oh, I know! That cutie red head!"  
  
"Oh, him! Mmm."  
  
The gates to the park suddenly opened.  
  
"THANK YOU!" Touya screamed and bolted in.  
  
Hiei stopped in front of the Zoo and grinned, Kurama in tow.  
  
"Oh, look, they're supposed to have a unicorn. You think...?" Kurama asked Hiei who was already walking in.  
  
Jin proceeded to bang the back of his head against the bars that confined him.  
  
"My life..... sucks..." He murmured.  
  
"Oh, mommy! I can't believe it! A unicorn!" A little boy shouted, excited. "I'm going to talk to it!"  
  
The little boy walked up to the cage. "Hi."  
  
Jin glared at the boy. "Fuck off."  
  
"MOMMY! THE UNICORN SAID THE F WORD!"  
  
In an instant, Seto the Evil appeared.  
  
"Look, I told you not to cause trouble," he snapped. "I'm trying to be nice about it."  
  
"Pshht," Jin touched his right cheek, still throbbing from when Seto the Evil hit him.  
  
Seto glared and walked off, not before menacingly showing Jin the whip.  
  
Hiei appeared.  
  
"Oh, Hiei! I'm so glad to see you!" Jin said in an excited voice. "You have to help me!"  
  
"I came here for one purpose and one purpose only," Hiei said in a somber tone.  
  
"What?"  
  
Hiei slowly raised his hand and pointed at Jin. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LOSER!"  
  
"Hiei, you bastard!" Jin yelled.  
  
"HAHAHAHA!"  
  
"I HATE YOU!"  
  
"YOU'RE STUCK IN A CAGE! HAHAHA!"  
  
Seto the Evil was there again. "What's wrong?"  
  
"He is fucking with the animals," Jin accused.  
  
"Nuh uh! I was just coming up to see the unicorn close up and he tried to bite me!" Hiei puffed his lower lip out.  
  
"Now I wish I did, asshole!" Jin snapped.  
  
"See!" Hiei pointed again.  
  
"Go away, you stupid asshole."  
  
Seto the Evil sighed. "Time for more tranquilizers."  
  
"No, no no I don't think that is necessary," Jin screeched.  
  
"I think it is," Hiei frowned.  
  
"Butt out."  
  
Seto the Evil glared at Jin. "Fine. ONE more chance to behave."  
  
"Okay."  
  
When he left Hiei gave Jin a malevolent look.  
  
"You're going to try and provoke me, aren't you?"  
  
"Yup," Hiei answered.  
  
"OOOOHHHH!" Jin and Hiei turned to see the Toguro team.  
  
"There it is!" Karasu pointed.  
  
"With some Hiei on the side!" Sakyo ran, arms spread out.  
  
"EEK!" Hiei jumped in his toy jeep and took off.  
  
"Aww," Sakyo pouted.  
  
"It's okay, you'll catch him later," Elder Toguro said.  
  
"Wow, that unicorn looks like the cutie red head Jin!" Younger Toguro exclaimed.  
  
"That's because I am Jin, you dumbass," Jin answered. 


End file.
